Censor Board's 'A' certificate to cricket?

Did you know that there is a proposal to hand over cricket to the Censor Board?  It is indeed surprising that nowadays when everybody is so touchy and sensitive about an uncensored song, film, advertisement, or a teleserial, no one seems to be bothered about the objectionable and provocative game of cricket. The terminology may sound amusing, but the game urgently needs censoring.  Cricket, indeed, needs to be given an ‘A’ certificate!!

Even before the game starts, the two captains go in for a “toss” – one wonders with whom and where? Instead of setting a somewhat decent field, you have all sorts of legs that one can conjure – short leg, square leg, fine leg, deep fine leg etc.  On top of it, they say somewhere in between all these legs there is a ‘gulley’ too. Now isn’t that crossing the limits??  With so many legs and fine legs, there is bound to be a ‘slip’ too somewhere in between.  After all, cricketers too are human beings.  A “silly point” it might sound, but it’s true.

Have you ever wondered what is cricket?  No Sir, it is not just a simple game.  It is much more than that.  Far from being a gentleman’s game, it has now been transformed into a game of devils.  (This is much too evident in the name of one of the teams in one of the very famous tournaments – “Delhi Daredevils”). 

Put simply, cricket is essentially a contest between (read carefully) – “bowling a maiden over” and “crossing the boundary”!!  In between, there are shouts of “Howzzat”!! How’s what?

Needless to say, in such a contest between “bowling a maiden over” and “crossing the boundary” one has to do a lot of running around in between! Not only that, one hears that the players are supposed to play in the “V” (most vulgar) and mind you a ‘shot in the V’ is supposed to be one of the most classical shots in cricket.  Poor spectators – they hardly realise the gravity of the situation. Instead of being alarmed every time a “maiden is bowled” or the “boundary is crossed”, people go berserk over these “exploits” of the cricketers.  They do not seem to realise the ill-effects of such a contest on society and the degeneration that it is bound to bring about in the ethics and morals of the society.

It is high time that the cricketers be told in no uncertain terms that they can’t get away every time they ‘bowl a maiden over’, or ‘cross the boundary’.  There have to be limits to such indiscretions.  After all, we too live in a society and owe a modicum of responsibility towards it.

Come to think of it! As if day cricket was not enough, now we have ‘night cricket’ as well.  We all know only too well that black deeds and indiscretions are mostly committed at night. Now cricketers have become so insolent that they have started ‘crossing the boundary’ at night – and that too under lights!!  Horrible.  However, it seems modern-day cricketers have come to realise the potential hazards in crossing the boundary and that is why they have added a helmet to their sporting kit.

To add to the ‘bowling of maiden overs’, T-20, the latest form of cricket, has brought the ‘maidens over’ to the centre of cricket field.  Every time a batsman ‘crosses the boundary’, these ‘maidens’ get bowled over.  They then start dancing and prancing around – apparently for no reason.  Yes Sir, we are talking of the so-called ‘Cheergirls’.  Most of these cheergirls are ‘imported maidens’, dressed most skimpily, swaying the mentionable and unmentionable parts of their anatomy.  Needless to say, why only players, anyone would be tempted to ‘cross the boundary’, if one sees these ‘cheergirls’. 

Not only this, between ‘bowling a maiden over’ and ‘crossing the boundary’ the spectators deliriously root for a ‘sixer’.  “We want sixer, we want sixer” they chant.  Well that should be music to the ears of eunuchs at least.

But whosoever coined the cricketing terminology must have been endowed with a rare foresight.  Or else, why should there be a “cover” and a “sweeper” required in the game, if there is nothing to hide, or brush under the carpet!!!

So my humble submission is that modern-day cricket is in dire need of censoring.  There should be limits to bowling a maiden over and crossing the boundary.  Cricketing terminology should be reformulated in such a manner so as to do away with the objectionable stuff in the existing cricketing “lexicon”, though there is “nothing official about it”.   That is why cricket should be given an ‘A’ certificate.  Howzzat!!!!!