The Mad Ad World

An advertising agency is “85 per cent confusion and 15 per cent commission,” said Fred Allen.  On the other hand, Edgar Watson Howe said, “Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark, you know what you are doing, but nobody else does.” 

Apparently, nearly all the 24 hour channels don’t know what they are doing either.  Not only is the quality of the advertisements “ludicrous,” the quantity in which they are fed to the viewers is nerve-racking.

How else could one explain five minutes of advertisements before a scene of equal duration.  Often the total number of advertisements takes up more time than the duration of the entire programme.  The frequency of the advertisements is at such monotonously regular intervals that the children learn them by rote, and far quicker than they do so from their textbooks.  Take for instance, a mother asking a small girl who Babur’s son was – Humayun and Akbar – that of Humayun.  In fact, very often one can hear kids humming tunes of some of the latest trendy advertisements.

Frankly speaking, however, some of the advertisement jingles are so catchy (many borrowed from the West, be it noted) that sometimes you prefer them to the silly songs of the latest Hindi films.  Indeed, jingles could soon give Bollywood music directors a real headache.  It would come as no surprise, if HMV people were tempted to realise the dream of releasing an audio-cassette featuring some of the more catchy advertisement jingles.

A few advertisements fired my imagination and zeal.  Some years ago, an advertisement for a particular brand of tea showed a macho guy with long moustaches coolly sitting in front of a tiger and sipping the tea and at the same time, twirling his moustaches.  I, for one, am prepared to gulp down as many cups of tea (of this particular brand) as possible at one go, if in the bargain, I could become even half as lion-hearted as the tough male depicted in the advertisement.

 Another advertisement of a fan features a popular film-star saying, “Sir naam hi kaafi hai,” (merely the mention of the name is enough).  Is it really so?  Can the mere mention of the name of a ceiling fan provide relief from the scorching heat?  If so, then why bother to buy the damned fan?  One can very well sit and keep chanting the name of the fan at the desired speed to get the cooling effect.  Of course, I am always deeply mystified as to which brand of pen, shirt, shampoo, or soap to buy.  They all claim to be “Better than the Best”.    Think of it in grammatical terms – “Better than the Best” would mean “Comparative is better than Superlative”.   Pray how?

The latest trend in advertising is to target the children.  So you have any number of companies directing their advertisements at the children at a very impressionable age.   One particular advertisement shows a child looking for his car operated by remote control.  He asks his mother who tells him to look around in the house.  The child says that his father would get him a new toy.  But a guest at the house tells the child that what would happen if the father gets lost too?  For a moment, everyone looks flabbergasted before the father pops in from nowhere to say that even if he gets lost, he would still bring the toy.  The advertisement is about insurance, but what about insuring the advertisement itself.    The biggest worry is that tomorrow if children lose their toys, they are bound to recollect the advertisement and tell the poor father promptly that even if he gets lost, he must get that particular toy.  So said the advertisement, they would argue.   Of course, most of the mothers would not mind losing the father, if in the bargain, they could find a new one.  But the advertisement doesn’t give any such insurance – not assurance, mind you.

Of course, you have good-looking models endorsing under-garments, garments and such stuff.  A particular advertisement for a brand of undergarments shows a male fighting a few goons and thrashing them black and blue.  A female model appears at the end of the advertisement, clinging to the male model.  Another one shows a man entering a ladies’ toilet by mistake and a few females entering behind him and showering kisses all over the guy.  Now, pray what has the advertisement got to do with the undergarment?  May be – that next time, whenever one goes into the toilet and that too ladies’ toilet by mistake, one should expect kisses to be showered.

 One of the latest advertisements shows a lady asking a man (supposedly her spouse) – “Have you seen my caaaaaarrrrrr keys”.  The advertisement, apparently for a car, doesn’t show the keys at all.  For, if going by the advertisement if the caaaarrrr is that long, what size would be its keys?   Fortunately, or unfortunately, no answers are provided to such questions. 

However, it is not true that these advertisements have only nonsense value.  Every cloud has a silver lining, after all.  These advertisements may drive you crazy, while you are anxiously awaiting the start of your favourite serial.  Many parents however, vouch for them and infact, heave a sigh of relief when they start, while at their wits’ end to divert the attention of their baby.  However, once the advertisements start, the toddler surprisingly enough is spell-bound and silent.  Of course, the poor parents have to “face the music,” again, once the jingles stop.  Well, at least in one respect, it can be said of advertisements – “Sirf naam hi kaafi hai.”